Woah buddy it ās 10:30am on a Monday and this hungover blogger has something to get off his dresser . After writing no fewer than 17 posts in the past few calendar week about our nation ās newest fad , I have some sad news to report to you all : PokĆ©mon Go is a bad , risky game .
Why , you require , would I seek to featherbed an experience bringing so much joy to meg ? Why yuck our Great Nostalgic Yum ? first off , because I am a bitter , tough-minded world . But mostly it ās for your own goodness . permit me clapperclaw the ways :
Many things have stood between PokĆ©mon Go players and this elusive quality call ā playfulness ā since the ā game ās ā liberation just over a month ago . Initially it was a total deficiency of in - secret plan focus or tutorial , followed byserver topic , hacks , andapp crashes , all of which make players to lose out on catch or blow valuable items . Great start guys . Then it was the three - footmark bug which made locating monsters impossible . ( Third - party services that alleviated that consequence were shut down by the game ās creator , Niantic , becausefuck anyone seek to not cuckold around aimlessly . ) More lately , get off rateshave skyrocket and monster seem tochange to new speciesafter they āre overtake . Swell .
player also realize this purportedly casual secret plan is also hiding key selective information from them , requiring amassive crowdsourcing projectand the work of some blackhat hackers to image out . Yes , we āre still talking about a plot that is ostensibly for children .
In - secret plan resources do nāt scale decently and the XP bender is unforgiving ( see : thoroughly broken ) at in high spirits layer . GPS tracking iswildly inaccurate , and the prerequisite to exit the app maximize is ridiculous . It run out battery and information , and cause a friend ās phone to on a regular basis overheat . Trading never materialize and gym mechanics make almost no gumption . burlesque is rampant , to the point where Twitch iscracking downon players who break out the game ās Terms of Service on air . servicing are selling mellow level trainers forhundreds of buck ā which is both cheating and a house of how bloody boring the plot is to play .
Every one of those whole legitimate takings is a distraction from the larger problem : the game sucks , right down to its brittle , sucky bones . perhaps work PokĆ©mon Go gives the impression that you ā the histrion ā have some level of dominance and ego - determination over your team of cockfighting Zanzibar copal freak . You do nāt . The game is a sparge of dumb circumstances with a heart - discontinue dose of relentless grind , and the latter only get worse the longer you act .
You ca nāt catch ā em all , as the tagline survive , because many monsters are either unavailable or region - specific , and you ca nāt become a gym leader for any meaningful amount of time . The battle machinist are laggy and wonky . The same five monster seem to dominate every gym , only to be replace within minutes by a different squad ās identical demon in any fairly populous orbit . So what ās the end goal here ? To slowly and sorely shamble towards the next level , where therewards stop to fit the required effort ?
It ās receive hoi polloi outside interrifying droves , but everyone I āve met in this fashion I could have mirthfully never spoken to . PokĆ©mon is not a defining part of my personality . I have enough friend . The only affair that was ever fun about PokĆ©mon Go was figuring out just what we were suppose to be doing . Now we know the solvent : wander , pray , get our asses kicked by cheater . I ām deleting my account ( so farseeing , Bongqueen69 ) and so should you .
NianticPokƩmon Go
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