If you ’re still agonizing over a breakup that happened five long time ago , it may be because of the fashion you view personality , agree to new research . The Stanford University written report , bring out in thePersonality and Social Psychology Bulletin , get that when someone take in rejection by a partner or a friend as a assessment on the kind of person they are — that their personality is stable — they’re more probable to harbour those hurt feelings for lengthy periods of time . People who view personalities as more malleable , rather than electrostatic , tend to get over it rather .
The researchers conducted five experiments with a aggregate of almost 900 participants , asking them about theoretic and real - life rejection and how it changed how they saw themselves . For instance , participants rat to what degree they agree with the phrase , " I worry that there is something ' incorrect ' with me because I got reject , ” and whether or not past rejections had reveal anything about their dead on target self or made them question their views of themselves . Those who watch personality as a fixed entity — rather than an aspect of the ego that can grow and change — were more potential to view getting dumped as revealing something about their true self ( like , say , that they ’re fundamentally unlovable ) .
In one particular experimentation , participants read up on psychological research on personality and social power before answering questions about how they would respond to a breakup they read about . Those who read about how personality is a rigid entity report rejections as being more defining , and verbalise concern that rejection would change how they saw themselves .
" The experience of being left by someone who think that they hump you , then learned more and changed their mind , can be a specially potent threat to the self and can drive hoi polloi to interview who they in truth are , ” Lauren Howe , the study ’s lead story author and a doctorial campaigner at Stanford , explicate in apress release . These feelings not only touch on a person ’s ability to get over a breakup , but can harm future relationships , since the antecedently reject mortal might be more defend against potential rejection . So the next time you ’re face rejection , seek to cogitate about your ability to change and acquire . It may help you move on .
[ h / t : The Washington Post ]
