Kelsea Balleriniis revealing how trauma she experienced as a teenager still affects her today.
When the country singer was a sophomore at Central High School in her native Knoxville, Tennessee, she witnessed a classmate die in a school shooting, she shares for the first time in her new poetry bookFeel Your Way Through(out now).
“There’s a moment in everyone’s life when something happens and you go, ‘Life is short,’ and that was mine,” Ballerini, 28, says of the tragedy in the new issue of PEOPLE.
For more onKelsea Ballerini, pick up the new issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands everywhere Friday.
Kelsea Ballerini.Mark Humphrey/AP/Shutterstock
“The noise was sudden, loud, and sharp. The quickness, the panic made it hard to get my bearings, but I was staring at a boy with both hands to his heart,” she writes of the incident, which occurred when she was 15 years old. “His name was Ryan, and he died on the cafeteria floor from a gunshot wound to the chest. I can’t be too sure, but I think I saw him breathe his last breath … That day, we went from strangers to lifelong friends. I think about him often, who he could have been.”
In the 13 years since the devastating experience, Ballerini says she’s done “so much” therapy and is still healing, adding: “It’s something I think of all the time.”
She continues to suffer PTSD from the shooting, as well.
Kelsea Ballerini.Getty
“I have a job where I’m in crowds often, I play loud music, there’s pyro, and there are noises that are similar. But everyone close to me knows about it, and they help me just get ready for moments like that,” Ballerini says. “And if I’m having some kind of trigger… If I need to push a show 10 minutes, I push a show 10 minutes. Everyone’s very understanding of that and very protective of that trauma, and that memory for me.”
The “Half of My Hometown” singer says she didn’t know she would write about the school shooting when she decided to write the collection of poetry.
“It’s something that I honestly never even knew if I would talk about,” Ballerini says. “As I was writing this book and as it was coming together, it was clear to me that it was my journey up till now. I couldn’t leave it out.”
Adds the Grammy-nominated star: “When you’re able to talk about things, you either are going to feel shame about it and you’re going to keep it hidden, or you’re going to air it out and be vulnerable and connect with people and take the sting away from it and heal together. And I think that’s just the better option for me at this point in my life. So that’s why I air out a couple of my dark secrets in this book.”
If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.
source: people.com
